This information sheet provides tips and tricks on negotiating a booking and establishing boundaries with your clients. When purchasing any service, the client will try to get the type of service they want, on their terms and at the price they want to pay for it. Your job is to protect yourself and get what you need from the client, so you must be aware of your boundaries and know how to negotiate so that they remain firmly in place.
What are you going to be reading about?…
- Times of negotiation
- Your advertising
- Your first conversation
- Negotiating during the booking
- Negotiating a difficult situation
- Negotiating extras
- Things to remember
The only things that are negotiable are the things you say are negotiable.
Boundaries are what keep you safe when negotiating the booking, during the booking and in between bookings. Boundaries sex workers put in place include:
- Privacy boundaries—what personal information you’re prepared to tell a client and what personal information you’re prepared to let them tell you, e.g. your real name, if you have children, etc.
- Financial boundaries—do you allow ‘try before you buy’, a client to kiss you on a line-up, or agree to meet a client for a coffee so that they can see what you look like before you charge them for a booking? Do you charge for extras?
- Emotional boundaries—do you allow a client to use language in a booking that you find distasteful, e.g. saying your arse is droopy, or do you allow your clients to use you for counselling sessions?
- Physical boundaries—do you agree to do kissing or anal when your client pressures you even though they are not services you usually provide? Do you allow them to do certain sexual positions that hurt you or you’d find difficult to escape from if they became violent?
Times of negotiation
Services are negotiated and re-negotiated from the first point of contact you have with your client and throughout a booking. It’s important to recognise when negotiations are taking place and the role your boundaries play in these negotiations.
The first point of contact with a client is through your advertising, the enquiry phone call, the way you stand or walk in an agency or out and about, so it’s where negotiations and establishing boundaries begin. Your advertising may include information about how you’d like clients to contact you and when, what services you provide (incalls/outcalls), what services you don’t provide and any other conditions.
For example: Haley—Petite strawberry blonde, bubbly, intelligent and adventurous. Outcalls only, 0414 000 000, no private numbers or txt, 9am – 9pm.
Your first conversation
The first conversation you have with a client may be on the phone, in a text message, in an email, in a chat room, in a public place or on a line-up in a brothel. When talking to a client for the first time, you are interviewing each other for a job and setting up the terms and conditions for how that encounter will occur.
Often, the more effective you are at negotiating at this point and establishing boundaries with your client, the easier the booking will be, because you’ve already laid the ground rules.
That does not mean it needs to be sterile or businesslike. You can be erotic and sensual without looking like you have no boundaries or are willing to accept abuse.
You may be negotiating and setting boundaries on:
- Price, including set price and any extras you may charge—The client may try and negotiate by giving a counter offer, asking if you run specials or if you will do a shorter time for less money.
- Times you have available—The client may try and negotiate times outside these hours and ask your availability.
- What services you do and do not offer—The client may ask for services you have not mentioned like anal, blowjob without a condom, etc. Be very careful of entrapment with this particular negotiation (please see working legally in Qld fact sheet for more details).
- Any specifics of what they may want included in the service—The client may say they wants a particular fantasy, like to be allowed to wear stilettos in the booking.
- ‘Try before you buy’—The client may ask if he can try before he buys and ask for a grope, a kiss or to see your body naked before he chooses to spend paid time with you.
You may draw the line on certain things, such as the examples above, or if a client tries to negotiate on every point of service, starts asking for intimate details or if they begin to turn pornographic. If the client is disrespectful at this point then it could be an indication that they will be annoying in a booking and continue pushing the boundaries. It’s up to you where you draw the line. You do have the right to refuse the booking the same as they have the right to refuse to see you.
“The only things that are negotiable are the things you say are negotiable.”
Negotiating during the booking
Negotiations will continue throughout the booking and may include things like getting the money out of the client’s hands, getting them to shower, stopping them from groping you and even how you want them positioned on the bed. These are all very basic negotiations; however, things may get difficult so you’ll need to know how to re-negotiate.
The situations that may need to be re-negotiated may include clients saying things to upset you that may mess with your head, not having the full amount of money, not leaving, being too rough, demanding services you have already said you don’t provide, getting physically rough, etc.
When these issues arise, it’s important to remember you’ve already done the hard work in negotiating and putting boundaries in place by advertising well, getting them into the booking and getting them to the bed. All you’re doing now is tweaking or reaffirming what you’ve already set up, so don’t panic.
“Some clients will push boundaries to see what you will put up with”
Negotiating a difficult situation
Some clients will push boundaries to see what you will put up with. Some clients will push unknowingly, so it’s important to be able to bring them back to what you’re comfortable with without causing too many issues such as losing momentum, the client losing their hard-on or escalating to belligerence, being passive aggressive, verbally abusive or even violent.
The limits you set for yourself and your service are your choice, but common ones include:
- Not marking the skin
- Not expecting your personal details
- Not re-negotiating the price of the service when he’s already there
- Condom usage
- Client leaving on time or when asked to
- Drunk clients who can’t get it up, or blow, and want to blame you.
It is up to you to decide where the point is that you need to re-negotiate and redirect your client. What is and is not negotiable is up to you.
Just because your client may want to negotiate a free anal service when you have already explicitly said you don’t do it doesn’t mean all of a sudden they have the right to try and negotiate it and expect you to come to the party to discuss it.
If they won’t stop, you are completely within your rights to call an end to the booking. It is worth warning them first so they clearly know your limits and the consequences.
For example, if a client arrives and says they only have half the money that you agreed on, it is up to you to decide if you agree if you will do the booking for half the rate, for half the time or if you will ask them to leave immediately. The client has put their offer on the table, but it’s up to you to decide what to do with it and if you choose to negotiate.
Remember that you carry all of the power in any negotiations that are entered into.
When negotiating a difficult situation, remember the golden rule of redirecting a client: “Be charming whilst being assertive, give them an alternative and sweeten the deal in his mind”
For example, if a client can’t cum by the end of the booking and they get agitated and demands that you make them cum, you could suggest:
“You go and have a nice hot shower and be naughty in the shower. I’m just going to grab a drink of water and when I come back in, I want you to show me all of your sexy cum dripping down the wall. That will be VERY horny to look at”.
“The only things that are negotiable are the things you say are negotiable”
You are completely within your rights to charge for extra services that are not included in a ‘standard’ service. It is up to you to decide what these extra services are, what to charge for them and when to negotiate them.
It is a good idea not to leave negotiating extras until the end of the booking, because the client may refuse to pay the money or they may not be aware that they were being charged for an extra and become aggressive when you ask for the money.
As always, it is a good idea to get the money before you provide the service.
Things to remember
- If you’re a new worker, try not to hesitate when stating your prices and what services you offer; the client may try to take advantage at any sign of uncertainty .
- Trust your ‘hooker-spidey senses’. If you have a gut reaction to a question, a situation, or a client, listen to that and be extra careful when negotiating, and protect your boundaries.
- Be aware of what you will and won’t negotiate on, what compromises (if any) you’re prepared to make and at what point the price to yourself becomes unacceptable.
“The only things that are negotiable are the things you say are negotiable.”
All material in this information sheet is provided for your information only and may not be construed as legal, medical or health advice or instruction.