Dealing with Difficult Clients | Respect QLD

Redirecting clients

Being able to redirect a client is one of the most important skills a sex worker can develop.  If you can redirect a client so it doesn’t offend them and you can do it without breaking the scene or mood, it shouldn’t have too much of an impact on the booking or the relationship you have worked hard to establish. For example:

  • If a client is trying to touch your crotch, you could say, “Darling the part of my body that really gets me in the mood is my boobs.  Let me show you how I love my boobs to be touched”.

By doing this you are redirecting them away from your genitals to a part of your body you don’t mind being touched. By telling them you’ll show them how you like it done, you can ensure they do it in a way you find least aggravating and you’re putting on a bit of a show for them, which they’ll like.  While they are touching your boobs, move your body into a position to avoid them being able to reach the part you don’t want touched.

Whilst redirecting a client, it’s useful to be in a position of control, i.e. on top of them, so they know you’re controlling the session and it’s best to do what you suggest.  

Clients who don’t want to wear condoms

Most of the time it’s easy to get clients to wear condoms and keep them on; however, sometimes clients don’t understand or care about the physical or legal risks enough to want to wear one.  

Things you may see or hear to make you aware condom use may be an issue and suggestions to deal with the situation include:

  • “I’m allergic to condoms” – it is a good idea to carry non latex condoms, such as Avanti condoms.
  • “I can’t cum with a condom on” – your response, “But darling, cumming is only a quarter of the fun and we can work out another horny way you can do that.  Let’s get you to the point of cumming.”
  • In this situation it can pay to have some novelty condoms like ribbed condoms so that you can tell them you would love them to wear a condom because a ribbed condom on their dick makes you extra horny.
  • “Oh you’re so naughty and I tie naughty boys down to my bed and don’t let them touch me for the entire time! Best you don’t say that again or even think about touching the condom.”
  • I’ll pay you extra not to wear a condom” – your response, “If I get pregnant because you don’t wear a condom, it will cost you more than the $50 you just offered me”.

Client constantly touching the condom

This could indicate they are just as wary of the condom falling off or breaking as you are, or it could indicate that they are trying to break or remove it.  Tell your client all they have to do is relax and enjoy themselves and that you’re aware of the condom and are making sure it’s okay, so they don’t have to touch it.

  • Try and make it so they are unable to touch the condom—get on top of them and hold their arms down on the bed with your hands, brush your boobs or chest across their  lips so it sweetens the deal.
  • Make sure you can see the condom—tell them  you find it hornier if you can watch them bonking you and move in front of a mirror so you can watch the condom. Remember to keep your eyes open so you can see what they’re doing with their hands and you can watch the condom.
  • If they remove the condom or break it, ensure you can get away from them  immediately—if in a doggy position, this means leaving enough room between you and the headboard or the wall to scoot away from them . If you’re sitting on top of them , try and make sure only one hand is ever holding onto your waist by encouraging them to touch another part of your body with one of their hands.
  •  Whatever position you’re in, tell them  you find it horny to feel how hard their balls are getting, so you want to slip your hand down and touch them.  While you’re down there, make sure the condom is still in position.
  •  Be very careful in doggy position because it can be harder to feel if the condom is still on and it’s easier for them to slip it off. Clients in this position can also bonk in a way (shovelling) that can make it easier for a condom to slip off.

Intoxicated clients

Clients may turn up intoxicated or may become intoxicated during a booking.  Many sex workers report that clients actually become intoxicated during the booking from drinking too much. Drugs and alcohol will have an impact on your client and can make them behave in undesirable ways.

They may become aggressive, more touchy-feely (‘gropey’), may not be able to get or keep an erection, may want to touch the condom more, may not be able to come, may have reduced sensation so they want to bonk harder and faster, may lose track of time and accuse you of ripping them off or not realise how long they have been bonking you for, etc.  Some clients will become belligerent and insulting.

Managing a client who is intoxicated from drinking too much or doing drugs is generally done in the same way. Things to remember are:

  • Some clients may become unsteady on their feet so you have to be careful they don’t slip over in the shower, fall off your bed, etc.
  • Some clients may ask you to do something like shave off all their pubic hair. If a client asks you to mark their body in any way, it’s a good idea not to do it while they’re intoxicated, because once they sober up the chances are that they  will regret it and may come looking for you to tell you how unhappy they are.
  • Intoxicated clients can be mentally and emotionally abusive, so put your thick skin on and keep reminding yourself they are just intoxicated and may be saying stuff to get a rise out of you. Remind yourself it’s not a personal thing, it’s a drug and/or alcohol thing.
  • Intoxicated clients may be physically abusive, so ensure the front door is not dead-bolted and leave a window open you can jump through or scream out of for help. Hide everything that can be used as a weapon or mistaken as a sex toy to be used on you.  Don’t allow yourself to be put into a submissive position, e.g. tied down, underneath them or in doggy position. Leave a clear path to the front door by moving any obstacles.
  • Intoxicated clients will often try and renegotiate the service and rates during the booking. If you feel physically threatened and cannot get out of the booking or cannot get them  out of your home, you may want to consider taking the reduced rate to get them out sooner. It’s better to be $100 poorer than raped or assaulted.
  • Intoxicated clients have a tendency to want to not use condoms or to remove the condom.  Remember your re-directing skills to minimize the harms associated with this.
  • Some sex workers may negotiate tying a client down if they’re too intoxicated to ensure they  don’t go anywhere and the worker is always in control.
  • It’s important to stay as sober as you can if your client is indulging in any drugs or alcohol.  You need to be able to manage them , manage yourself and keep your temper in check and your surroundings safe.

Clients might be intoxicated in bookings from the bottle of wine they bought to share with you.  It’s a good idea to always monitor how much they are drinking, and once they have finished the first glass direct them to the shower.  

They may say they can drink an entire bottle before they are drunk, but do you really want to take that chance? Similarly, if you’re out on a dinner booking, don’t let them drink too much because it will just make the booking harder later.

If a client gets intoxicated in a booking, you may want to think about whether you want to see them again.  

Getting drunk can be an accident, but if they  do it purposefully or act maliciously then consider any future bookings with them  carefully and put extra security protocols in place in case it happens next time as well.

Rough or annoying clients

Every worker and every service that is negotiated is different, and what may be acceptable to some may be painful or uncomfortable for others.  

Some clients don’t know what is and isn’t acceptable and won’t know unless you let them know, so it’s important to keep an open dialogue with your client.

Some clients will push boundaries to see what you will put up with and some will do it unknowingly, so it’s important to be able to bring them back to what you’re comfortable with without causing too many issues, such as losing momentum, breaking the scene or atmosphere, and losing his hard-on.

The limits you set for yourself and your service are your choice, but common ones include no biting, no marking the skin, condom use, no refusing to leave on time or when asked to,  whether or not you allow kissing or head jobs, whether you allow yourself to be tied down, whether you allow them to lick your skin or suck your ears.

It is up to you to decide what is too rough or what is going to annoy you and to then redirect your client from doing these things. If he won’t stop, you are completely within your rights to call an end to the booking.

Clients who fall in love

It’s rare that a sex worker actively tries to make a client fall in love with them, and it’s important to remember it’s not your fault if some clients do.  

We can manage bookings by putting boundaries in place, but sometimes no matter how you manage a situation and a client they will still believe they have fallen in love with you.  

We can only do so much to protect ourselves and our client’s feelings, but ultimately it is up to them whether they respect these boundaries or not.

It’s not always a bad thing if a client falls in love with you, because many clients who do are still able to respect the business relationship and the boundaries you put in place to keep yourself sane and safe.  

This client is aware that you hold him in high esteem, but you’re a professional so you are not in love and deserve to be treated as a professional.

A problematic client is a client who has no respect for your professionalism, pushes the boundaries and engages in stalker-like activities.  

For example, he may call you every day on the way home from work to tell you how his day has  been, ask you to see him for free because you mean so much to each other, send unsolicited gifts to your workplace, tell you constantly he’s in love with you, not leave on time, etc.

If a client declares they are  in love with you, you could:

  • Explain your need to remain professional and need to continue working to achieve your goals so can’t afford to fall in love now or in the next few years because you cannot afford to give up work.
  • Tell them you’re married with five kids at home so you have no time or headspace left to be in love.
  • Tell them you’re moving overseas or interstate soon.
  • Explain you don’t do love with a married person because it’s not fair on you and not fair on his wife.
  • Refer them to a brothel or another worker if you don’t want to see him again.
  • Don’t see them again if it’s too uncomfortable or they are  engaging in stalking, by telling them you’re booked every time they want to see you.
  • If you’re in a brothel or work for an escort agency, talk to management about not allowing them to choose you (if the management does not understand your concerns and refuses to assist you, look for somewhere else to work). You also might want to make sure your name is taken off the website roster

Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide how you handle the situation, but be careful, be gentle but firm, and understand you don’t need to explain yourself; you just need to give him an explanation he’ll understand.

Clients who want to ‘save’ a worker

Some clients may want to ‘save’ you from the industry or assist you in some aspect of your personal life.  When a client goes into saviour mode, no matter what the motivation, it does involve crossing the professional boundaries you have put in place.

Examples of this may include:

  • “You’re too good to be a sex worker and can do so such more with your life.  You should come and work for me, or study and I’ll come around and help you with your assessments.”
  • “You could do much better as a sex worker, so I’ll build you a website.”
  • “You could be making your money work for you.  I’ll give you financial advice and help you invest your money.”
  • “You shouldn’t have to see so many men because you’re better than that.  Just see me and I’ll pay you $400 a week to be mine exclusively.”

It’s your choice whether or not to accept an offer, but be aware people offer assistance for a reason, so if you accept help from a client it will mean you become reliant on them. More often than not, it will also mean they begin to have access to, and control over, both your professional and personal life. Never say yes to anything you cannot afford to lose.

Clients who insult workers

Clients can be insulting when they are in your company, on the phone, in an email and on forums.  No matter when or where a client insults you, it’s important not to react because that’s what they’re looking for.  

If you react, chances are it will just escalate the situation and make it harder for you to redirect your client.

Clients don’t always realise they have insulted you, so it’s important to let them know in a calm manner that what they said was not okay and you’d like them to behave better or you’ll have to put an end to the booking.  No one is paying you to be insulted in a booking and you deserve better.

If a client posts a nasty review or insults you on a forum or in a chat room, it’s especially important to be careful about how you handle it.  The best course of action is to politely let a moderator on the forum know you find the post/review/member offensive and you’d like them to deal with it and let you know what is going to be done.

If you’re in a brothel it’s a good idea to let management know what has happened, and if you’re a private worker let other private workers know what has happened.

The key to dealing with clients who insult you is to be polite, be professional but do not react and lower yourself to speak to them like they have to you.  Also remember that they may not realise that what they have done is offensive.

Clients with hygiene issues

This is a difficult issue to deal with because it involves talking to your client about an issue that can make you both feel uncomfortable.  To try and ensure your client comes out of the shower as clean as possible you could supply liquid soap.

To let him know he needs to be extra clean you could say to him before he goes into the shower:

  • “You need to sparkle when you get out because I want to kiss you all over, you look so delicious today”.

It can be very awkward to have to address this issue with your client, but if you don’t there are serious health risks including things like Hepatitis A, urinary tract infections, diarrhoea, vomiting and shigella.

Sometimes, no matter how much your client washes they  may still smell.

If this is the case and you want to do the booking, you could grab some baby wipes or a wet face cloth and wipe the smelly bits down and try and get them as clean as possible.

Hygiene is also a matter of respect.  You would never dream of not showering properly before you saw a client, and if you smelt your client would leave, demand their  money back or tell you they won’t have sex with you unless you clean yourself properly.

You deserve the same level of respect that they  demand from you, so never feel awkward about asking them  to wash themselves properly.

If he makes you sick because he is dirty, he isn’t going to pay you for your time off and sex workers aren’t entitled to sick leave like people in other professions.

Indiscreet clients

The cost of an indiscreet client can be high and can include being caught working from an apartment and being thrown out (sole operator), getting charged by the police, being outed in front of your friends or family if a client sees you in public and talks to you, or being set you up for difficult bookings if a client writes a review online saying you do services you don’t do. 

Discretion is very important for all sex workers so many sex workers will do things like ask:

  • that no graphic reviews to be posted online
  • that the client be quiet when coming or going from an apartment or brothel and to call the establishment or worker if they need directions not ask the concierge or neighbor
  • that if a client sees you in public they do not approach you, and that if they do approach you that you will tell them you don’t know them, that they must be mistaken and then you will ask them to go away.

It always pays to ask a client to be discreet and model the behaviour yourself so he is fully aware of the standards you expect.

If a client is indiscreet before the booking, during the booking or after a booking, you are completely within your rights to discuss his behaviour with him.

Your safety

If you have a difficult client whom you’re unable to redirect, won’t take no for an answer or escalates in their behaviour, it’s important to consider your safety while you’re in the booking and after the booking.  

This could include things like ensuring there is a clear path to the door, pushing a panic button if you’re in a brothel or calling a friend or the police if you’re a sole operator.

Always trust your gut instinct and remember you have the right to put an end to a booking if you do not feel safe.Disclaimer:

All material in this information sheet is provided for your information only and may not be construed as legal, medical or health advice or instruction.

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